How to Keep the Spark Alive.
I’ve been a mom for about 11 years now. Needless to say, I was fairly young when I had my first. 20 years-old in fact. That being said, it has been an interesting journey and most definitely a learning experience. Sometimes, we can get so busy that we don’t find the time to keep the spark alive.
So, being a young mom and wife does come with its challenges and most definitely brings much change and introduces you to a life that you had NO idea about until you become a mother.
A life that no longer allows you to sleep until 2 in the afternoon or eat a full, sit-down meal without interruptions. One that comes with piles and piles of laundry, more poop and vomit than you could EVER imagine (and most times you’re dressed in it) let alone, take a shower or use the washroom without interruptions.
Hubby is just as active in our home life as I am and he is truly a great father and husband and I’m not tooting his horn (maybe a little) but, he really is great and helps me tremendously.
So, life changes for both you and your significant other after kids.
In between making lunches, cooking meals, homework, cleaning the house (don’t forget breastfeeding) and doing it all on few hours of sleep–where does this leave your love life?
For most couples, statistically, it gets placed on the back burner. I choose for the latter, which is to keep the fire burning and alive.
Here’s a few tips that I use to spark our love life:
- Intimacy doesn’t always mean intercourse. I find that maintaining closeness with your partner throughout the day is beneficial. Touch can do wonders. Now, don’t go getting in the gutter folks, I mean embraces, kisses–even just glances. Hold hands! The attention for one another is what goes a long way.
- Another foolproof way to keep the love alive is simply by telling your spouse how you feel about them. Out loud. If you think they’re looking hot, tell them. You can never give (or receive) too much compliments.
- Conversation. No matter when you find the time to do it, I think it’s vital in a relationship. Sometimes my Hubby and I often find ourselves lying in bed, after the kids are asleep, in a quiet house and quietly having long and meaningful conversations. Sometimes we laugh and sometimes we reminisce and most times we plan and work towards our goals. But, we are open with another. Times like these is when I find we are most intimate.
- Be spontaneous. Getting flowers is a nice surprise but, reciprocate by planning his favorite meal by candlelight. Small things keep things exciting, even if you get a laugh out of it and especially if it reminds you of how much you care for each other.
- Cook or bake something together. Throw on some tunes and make one of your favorite meals or treats. Hubby loves to cook and I love working together to make a delicious meal. Sitting down at the table after and enjoying the fruits of our labor is fulfilling in more ways than one! We’ve even lit some candles and drank sparkling juice out of our champagne glasses. Kids around and all, our eldest enjoyed it too!
- I cannot emphasize the importance of DATE NIGHTS. Once you become parents, everything you used to do goes to the wayside. I suggest going out to do something you used to enjoy for a few hours. We catch a movie, go to a concert or anything that allows us to unwind and then return to our duties of being moms and dads. We try to do this once a week. If you can’t get out of the house, after the kids are in bed, curl up on the couch, cuddle, massage each other and watch movies together. Anything you want to do, just dedicate time to one another.
- Take a babymoon or go on an escapade! If hopping on a plane isn’t in the cards for you, go away for a weekend–road trip it! In town or out-of-town, get dolled up, enjoy activities you used to do before kids without worrying and enjoy good food without interruptions. This is where you can rekindle the romance. Enjoy each other and focus on one another solely as lovers. Another bonus, uninterrupted sleep and showers, hot tubs and room service!
- Send love notes. When you are back on the daily grind of wiping up spit-up and wiping bums, find a little extra time to text your S/O and let them know you’re thinking of them. The words “I love you” and “I miss you” can mean so much after a long day with the kids or at work.
- Say “Thank-you” and say it a lot. Our daily duties as parents are rough, both for moms AND dads. Be appreciative of what your spouse does to maintain the house. Make sure that they know that you are thankful for what they do and hearing it doesn’t hurt either, gents.
- Most importantly, be aware that every day is a new day. Be patient with one another, be respectful and mindful of each other’s feelings. Think of how you want to be treated and act on it.
- Know that every day is NOT going to be perfect. There will be bad days and when you’re having a bad day, count on each other. You are both in this for the long run and who else can support you wholeheartedly?
Love Each Other.
All in all, I refuse to give in to a relationship that lacks all aspects of intimacy just because I made the conscious decision to be a mom and you shouldn’t either. After all, you made children as a result of this very love and intimacy that you share with your partner.
Though Dara and I are fairly young, I don’t want to give up because I’m tired. I fell in love with a great man and I can happily say that I am still very much in love. Gabriella, our eldest, can attest to that since every time we get mushy you can hear a big, loud– “Eww” echo in the house.
So yes, you may have to give up a lot of things when you become a parent. I know that I learned so many things in a short period of time. Things like being able to just pick up and leave like I used to or sit at home when the rest of my friends were out partying became non-existent. Down to learning about and getting mutual funds and mortgages…
But, I can say with all honesty, I wouldn’t change one thing.
What do you do to keep your love life sizzling?
Let me know, til then–cheers m’deres!
Nancy Polanco is a freelance journalist, lifestyle content creator, and editor of Whispered Inspirations. She is a proud Mom to Gabby and Michaela and partner and best friend to Darasak. Having worked as part of a health care team for almost a decade, Nancy is happy to be back to her passion. She is a contributor to the Huffington Post, TODAY’s Parents, and an Oprah Magazine Brand Ambassador.